high five!

i re-joined the group training sessions today.. and ran 5 miles!

each saturday all the team in training members get together in Central Park at 830 am for our 'long run' of the week. i have been dreading this because i am behind schedule as far as mileage goes, so i am not even running as far as the beginners. today i planned on running 4.5 miles. a respectible jump from the 3 i've been running. the middle loop in the park is 4 miles, so i was having a hard time figuring out how to tack on an additional half mile. i could have just run 4 easy, but it felt a bit wimpy. then i remembered that if i throw in the lower loop i have a 5 mile run! 5 miles is only .5 more than the 4.5 i was planning on.. michael (my PT) seemed ok with 4.5 so surly he wouldn't be too mad at me for pushing it to 5. AND this would put me in striking distance of the beginners who were running 6-7.. watch it newbies, i'm hot on your tail!

i had my ipod and took it easy. legs were feeling pretty good. lungs kickin ass.. as i rounded the bottom of the park i started slowing down, but just in the nick of time i fell in behind a bald dude who was running just a tad faster than i had been. it energized me, gave me something to focus on and pulled me up the hill and through that last 3/4 mile. thanks bald dude!

now, i want to take a minute to talk about a more serious topic.. on tuesday i had an appointment to see a breast specialist at columbia presbyterian. a few months ago my doctor had felt a lump and ordered some tests. the tests came back clear, but i was having some pain in that area so she felt we should just get a second opinion. it's a stressful thing, but i kept telling myself that i'm too healthy to have cancer.

i know full well that this is not how cancer works, and after hearing so many speaches at TNT events i knew that these survivors were blindsided as well. so that made me a little nervous, but i had keep reciting my little mantra anyway. as i waited for the doctor there were passing nurses talking of masectomy patients, breast removal and reconstruction. this was no joke. mantra, mantra, mantra.. the doctor decided a needle biopsy would give us a difinitive answer and was almost sure it would come back benign.

* can we discuss the fact that even though benign is a positive it's not a very happy sounding word. i have to always check with myself "which one is benign and which is malignant? mal = bad so benign must be good" i really think they could have picked a better word. something that sounds happy rollling off the doctor's toungue.

the flip side to my tnt experience teaching me that no one is 100% safe from cancer is that you can get served up this devistating piece of news and handle it. the world would not swallow me up, i would not instantly break into a million pieces. i would cry, and probably, knowing me, kick something but i would deal with it. i would fight with everything i have and hopefully win.

needles suck. needle biopsys suck more. needle biopsys in your boob when you're hungover SUCK THE MOST!!

the doctor told me i'd have the results in 4-5 days and she'd call me either way. luckily things moved fast and on thursday i got the call.. benign... and remember, benign = good.

so, to everyone who has shared their story at a tnt event, thank you. you were definitely with me this week.

miles run: 5
favorite song of the day: 'you know i'm no good' by amy winehouse